What is CSIs on TV?
by JellybeanChiChi
Summary: How does a guy like Grissom end up on a game show? Is he the first Vegas CSI on TV? Game shows Jeopardy! . Reality shows Wife Swap . ... Who's watching these guys? Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

A/N: This is my first fan fic, and it would never have happened without the inspiration and encouragement from "Dame" VR Trakowski (knighted for her exquisite work in GSR). She is a talented writer who gave the time of day to a geek like me. She is the absolute greatest. Thanks so much, my friend. Thanks for visiting. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1

In the early morning hours in December, the glitz and glamour of Vegas offered an extra tourist attraction — a real live crime scene, complete with a trio of Cirque du Soleil clowns, a couple of heroin addicts and a washed-up country music singer.

The addicts stalked the clowns hoping to score a fix. But who knew Cirque du Soleil clowns would arm themselves? The addicts and the clowns started fighting with knives. There was no telling how long their fight would last because they were plowed down by an El Dorado driven by Mac Hayes, a country music legend-in-his-own-mind, whose biggest hit was, ironically 1983's "Sad Clown." Hayes exited his vehicle after smashing into the side a casino, went towards the gang he hit and tripped on one of the addicts. He then fell on a clown and impaled himself on the knife the clown held in his hand.

It was tragic and weird, and totally Las Vegas.

Gil Grissom was among those finishing the scene on this crisp morning, although he didn't have to be. He worked through an afternoon and night shift the day before, and was at this scene most of the morning processing evidence.

And that's not counting the two shifts he did yesterday or the day before. So, Grissom took a break to talk to his friend, Capt. Jim Brass, who always had something to say.

"Bonjour, Gil. Vous avez l'air de la merde."

Grissom glared at his friend, and checked his clothes. Did he really look like shit?

"When did you learn to speak French?"

"Ah," Brass stated with a lilt, "I was a young Marine with a short stay in Paris; she was a local tease with a gorgeous set of ... IQ points ... eager to teach a young American..."

"How to spend all his money on her..." Grissom interjected.

"And then some. But I learned some French, didn't I," Brass said with a smile.

Grissom smiled then looked across the street. He had been so busy processing, he didn't notice the giant RV that arrived a couple of hours prior.

The Jeopardy! Brain Bus headed into Vegas looking for new brainy recruits for its show. Unfortunately, it picked the wrong time and place to come to Vegas.

"What's going on over there?" Grissom asked

"The Brain Bus is a little low on takers today, thanks to 'Le Scene Miserable,'" Jim said, and then he had a thought. "You know, Gil, since there's no line and this is taken care of, you should go ahead and tryout."

"What?!"

"Sure, I talked to one of the producers on the bus. He was in a hell of a mood wondering how long this would take because he is looking at a low turnout. He wanted to move the bus, but between the French Revolution here and the 7 car pileup back there on Trop, the bus is stuck."

"Jim, I'm working."

"Ah, come on Gil. How many shifts is this now for you? And look, they got a couple of guys from days here. See, Ronnie's over there. Nick's about ready to go take stuff to the lab, I'll bet he'll take your kit and evidence."

"Jim, really, I've only drawn a double, and I can log my own evidence..."

"Wait, I'll call Nick. HEY NICK!" Jim motioned toward the CSI who ventured to their direction.

But before Nick got there, Grissom pulled Jim's arm down and yelled, "NEVER MIND, NICK." Nick shrugged his shoulders and turned around.

"Gil, what the hell?" Jim asked, then offered a chuckle. " Oh, I get it. OK. All right. I understand."

"You understand what?"

"You don't want to take the test. Hey, listen, I got it," Jim said, bouncing a bit on his heels. "Brain cells not up to par anymore, and, hell, it would be embarrassing if you, ... you know... failed..."

As Jim trailed off, Grissom felt a little flush.

"What do you mean fail? ... Jim, I'm not falling for this reverse psychology shit."

"No, really, Gil," Jim said, in his most sympathetic (or was it pathetic) tone, "I get it. You know there comes a time when every man has to realize their time has passed."

Grissom offered a patented silent stare.

Jim put his arm on his friend's shoulder. "It's OK to say, 'I'm not smart enough for a game show.'"

"Alright, that's it," Grissom exclaimed.

"Get it out Gil. You'll feel better," Jim coaxed some more.

"NICK!" Gil yelled, and then turned to Jim. "Get your hand off of me, I'll take the test. But if anything happens to the evidence, it's on you. And WHEN I pass the test, you owe me a bottle of scotch."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

-----------------

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 2

After hearing Grissom call his name, Nick walked over. "What's up boss?"

"Nick, I'm not heading in the office, I, ah, want to get an errand done. Would you mind logging in this stuff?"

"Sure, no problem. What's up?"

"Nothing," Grissom said, brusquely. And with that, Nick, went to his SUV.

Jim clapped his hands together and looks at Grissom. "There you go. Have fun. And do me a favor? Try not to mess up and embarrass the LVPD."

Grissom let a smirk escape his lips as he started to walk away. "And why don't you try out?"

Jim smirked back. "I promised myself the only way I'd get on another game show is as its host."

When Grissom left, Jim stood alone and recalled that cheeky "Spanish Flea" theme music he heard some 30 years ago. The voice of Jim Lange saying, "Welcome back to The Dating Game!" lulled him back to a television set...

One day in the 1970s…

Bachelor #3 was a young Jim Brass. He sat on the bar stool next to, what he presumed to be, two out-of-work actors who were probably strung out on cocaine and caffeine. Brass chuckled as he thought about how he got on that stool. During a night of drinking with his fellow officers on the New Jersey force, his comrades actually bet him he wouldn't have the balls to go on a game show and land a hot, ready and willing West Coast honey.

It was actually a bet!

Knowing he had some damn irresistible side burns and his looks weren't too shabby, Brass took the bet, got a cheap flight using favors with a military buddy and got on the "Dating Game" in less than 48 hours.

They actually bet him! What jackasses.

Now all it took was a little finesse, and, as his make-up artist said as she dabbed some foundation on his face, he needed to loosen up a bit. She straddled his legs as she undid two buttons on his classy colored shirt — a bit of maroon, a bit of green, a bit of tan and a "whole lot of sexy," she said. "Never hurts to show us what you got."

Ah, memories.

When Jim Lange returned from the break, he approached the bachelorette, Francesca, who was ready to continue the game. "Now, Francesca, tell us again, who would you most like to meet while in Hollywood?" Lange asked as he placed a long, skinny microphone in Francesca's face.

"Well," she said with a hair tilt. "Goldie Hawn is talented and funny and all that, but what woman wouldn't want to meet Farrah," Francesca added, looking down at her heaving breasts. "I mean she is just so... Farrah!"

Bachelor #3 counted 12 giggles escape Francesca's mouth. At this point, Brass let his police training in processing evidence go to work... OK, her idols of choice plus her obvious intellect equals ... sweet knockers.

"So Francesca," Lange asked. "How about another question for one of our three bachelors?"

"Bachelor #3..."

YES!

"What can I do for you, sweetheart?" Brass asked.

"Bachelor #3, I love ice cream, and I love a man who enjoys a bowl of sweet stuff, so what flavor would you want to eat and would you want it in a cup or on a cone?"

"Darling, as long as you lick the ice cream from my cone, you can eat whatever flavor you want."

They actually bet him!

Capt. Brass chuckled in his coffee, and didn't notice Sophia approaching him.

"Hey Jim. What are you thinking about?"

"Ice cream," he quickly retorted. "How about some? My treat."

"Jim, it's 9:30 in the morning."

"Sophia, my experience has taught me it's never too early for ice cream."

--------------

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 3

Grissom had his doubts as he stood in line. There was about 10 minutes before they should get in. He definitely stood among the first 100 people in line who were guaranteed to take the Jeopardy! test.

Why the hell was he there? Then he thought this is the most interesting thing he had done outside of the meager routine he created since Sara left some two months ago.

He let out a sigh, and heard a "click, click" behind him that caught his attention. He turned around.

"Hi. Want a Tic Tac?" said the woman behind him.

"Ah, no thank you."

She fished a couple out of the plastic container and popped the wintergreen freshness in her mouth. "Ever taken the test before?"

"No."

She offered a pleasant enough smile. Grissom asked, "You?"

"Twice. I tell you, I just want to pass the damn thing. 50 questions you have to get at least 35 right to pass. Every question is a different category. I don't care about the personality interview you get if you pass. I just want to pass it."

She fished another couple of Tic Tacs and popped them in her mouth.

Grissom nodded and turned back around, but he felt like he was being stared at.

He turned his head slightly to notice the woman checking him out from his rear to his neck.

He then turned around again.

She turned a bit pink. "Oh, ... ummm, this is weird but have you ever been to Curacao?"

Grissom looked at her annoyed and perplexed.

She stammered. "You know, the small island in the Netherlands Antilles off the northwest coast of Venezuela? ... You look kind of familiar..."

"No," Grissom said firmly.

"Sorry," she said, but she smiled as she concentrated on fishing a couple more Tic Tacs.

Grissom turned back around and sighed. All he wanted to do was pass the damn test, too. Personality interview, huh? I guess they have to like you before you get on the show. No need to worry about whether to pass that portion of the test, he thought, as he pressed down his forensic jacket. A wicked smile crossed Grissom's face. Catherine's taken care of any thoughts of CSIs being on television.

-----------------

TBC

-----------------

Author's note: For those who don't know, William Petersen starred in "Deadly Waters" with George C. Scott and some awful actress. It was set in Curacao and there is a scene where you can see WP's butt, and, if someone is REALLY good with a Photoshop program for video tapes, you could possibly, maybe see his "Boom Chick a Wow Wow."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy! or Wife Swap. I do however own not one, but two trombones. So there.

A/N: The next two chapters steer away from the Jeopardy! focus. But I just couldn't kill this. So if you want to get back to the Jeopardy! storyline, please skip chapters 4 and 5. If not, enjoy a little bit of Catherine-centric text.

Chapter 4

One fine day in November ...

Catherine Willows looked and felt great today. She strode down the halls a woman with things in check. A couple of cases closed, a shift without anything to break a sweat, Lindsey called to say she decided to go to a dance with that respectable boy who tutors her in math instead of the chump whose fingers have burns suspiciously like he's been smoking something... he shouldn't.

Then her cell phone rang. L.A. area code. Who the hell?

"Willows."

"Is this Catherine Willows of Las Vegas?" said the young woman on the other end of the line.

"Who is this?"

"Hi, this is Britney from ABC's 'Wife Swap.' I was given this number for Catherine Willows on an e-mail inquiry sent by a friend and co-worker of yours."

"Excuse me?" Catherine said, grabbing the phone a little tighter and plugging her other ear to make sure she is absolutely hearing everything correctly. "Where did you say you were from again?"

"I'm Britney Watson, an assistant producer from ABC's 'Wife Swap."

"Why are you calling me," Catherine said as she stopped dead in her tracks.

"We had an e-mail from a co-worker of yours at the Las Vegas Crime Lab that told us a bit about your background and how you would be a great candidate for 'Wife Swap.'"

"This must be a mistake, Ms. Watson," Catherine said in her calm cool way. "I'm not married."

"Yes," Britney replied in her perky way, "but according to this e-mail from your co-worker, you are definitely married to your work. And we thought, 'What a different concept!'"

Catherine's brain processed quickly. Co-worker? Warrick would never. Gil wouldn't have a clue. Brass? Maybe, but not likely. Nick? Depends on what it said...

"What exactly did this e-mail say?"

Britney seemed be pushing papers on her end. "I have it here. I just have to... Oh! Here it is!"

"Dear producers of Wife Swap,

First of all, kudos on such a wonderful show..."

After hearing that intro, Catherine had an idea and started walking again...

"I do believe that your show would benefit from the profile of a co-worker and close friend of mine here at the prestigious Las Vegas Crime Lab. Catherine Willows and I have known each other for more than four years and while she is a tough-as-nails single mom, my shoulder has been known to offer her comfort in trying times..."

With that, Catherine fumed, kicked up her step and turned the corner to head to her destination.

"Although not married to a man, Catherine is married to her work. And how different would it be for your show to be the first of its kind to recognize that being a spouse to your job is just as trying to being a traditional spouse. Having Catherine on the show could be a 'marriage made in heaven,' if you will pardon my pun."

Catherine bounded into trace, found Hodges with her glare before she pointed her left hand at him.

Hodges' color left his face.

"In my opinion, Catherine Willows would be a most appropriate profile on your show. Best regards, David Hodges, DNA technician, Las Vegas Crime Lab."

There was silence. Silence on the part of Britney. Silence on the part of Hodges. And silence on the part of Catherine.

Ever the leader, Catherine broke the silence.

"Britney, I'm going to hang up now because I need to talk to someone."

"Oh," Britney interrupted. "Would you be talking with Mr. Conrad Ecklie? Mr. Hodges offered your supervisor's contact information along with the e-mail and since this was such an unconventional idea, I thought I would speak with him before I spoke with you."

Catherine no longer felt good nor looked good.

"I tell you what," Britney said, not wanting to lose this one, for fear of her job. "Why don't you talk with your supervisor and perhaps the three of us could speak on a conference line."

Catherine didn't even know what to say.

"I'll call you back Ms. Willows. Have a good day."

Catherine clicked her phone shut. In front of her was Hodges, and all he heard from the phone conversation was "I have to hang up." And all he could see at this point was a very, very pissed off Catherine Willows. Not a pleasant sight. He better test the waters. I mean, this could be work-related, Hodges thought.

"Hello Catherine."

"You," she said fiercely, moving into the room. "You little, little man."

OK, not work-related, Hodges thought. Did she see me peeking at her as she changed in the locker room. No, that was two weeks ago. Did I park in her space? No. Call her "sweetie" by mistake. I don't remember that. Maybe... OH NO!

"Does this have anything to do with an e-mail?" Hodges said, meekly.

"It sure as hell does, you prick!" Catherine voice bellowed. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Hodges face turned from fearful to curious. "Did they contact you from 'Wife Swap?'" he asked and incredibly sounded innocent about it.

"Yeah. Yeah they did. That was Britney. They want me to participate because of your fuckin' e-mail."

"Wow," Hodges said, sounding pleased with himself. "They choose my e-mail huh? I knew I had a flair with words."

"Are you really that stupid?" Catherine said, hoping to break his mood. "You told TV producers I would be a great candidate for an idiotic reality show. David, I can't even begin to tell you how you will pay for this."

Fear once again arrived at Hodges' face.

Before another tirade could start, Conrad Ecklie came into Trace.

"David. Catherine. Is there anything wrong?"

"And you," Catherine said, turning her attentions to Ecklie. "I think you know exactly what this is about. How could you possibly take a call like that and not come to me."

"Catherine, calm down. What exactly is going on here?"

Catherine could not believe her ears. Men... they're... they just suck. She pulled her fists in a downward motion, counted to five and let Conrad have it, in the calmest way she can muster.

"Conrad, I believe you got a call today from a Britney Watson from the TV show 'Wife Swap' that David here so thoughtlessly enlisted me as a candidate. They called me, Conrad, about being a part of the show," Catherine was slowly losing her edge and raising her voice. "They called me AFTER they said they talked to you."

Conrad gauged his response, and said, "Oh yes. Yes. A Britney Watson. I remember now. Listen, Catherine, if you want to be a part of the show, I don't think that would be a problem."

"Conrad, you've got to be kidding! I don't want to be part of the show!"

"Catherine, it might be good press for the crime lab. It will show the strength of the women who serve us so well. Women like you, Catherine," Conrad retorted.

Catherine paused. This was just too unbelievable. Her head began to process.

"Wait a minute. You want me to go on the show. You want me to trade places with another woman, and have that woman come here, to the lab," Catherine said.

Conrad nodded. "Well, it's up to you, but I think it could prove to be educational."

Hands on her hips, Catherine was beginning to understand. "So Conrad, who else knows about this phone call? The under sheriff? The sheriff? Just out of curiosity."

"As a matter of fact, I did have a discussion with both of them and the mayor, and, I tell you Catherine, they are on board with this."

No one was happier with this news than Hodges. "See Catherine, you could be a star. The public will be entranced by your beauty and intelligence"

"Shut up Hodges. You don't get a vote," Catherine barked, effectively castrating him with her words.

Conrad had to sell this. "Catherine, it's only for five days, and I'll have you know that because you would be promoting the crime lab in a positive manner, which I have no doubt you will do, it will not be considered vacation or personal time while you are out."

"So I'll get paid," Catherine asked.

"Yes."

"And the time will not go against any accrued hours."

"No."

"Give me a day Conrad. I'll talk it over with my family and Britney, then I'll let you know,"

"That's wonderful, Catherine, I think you'll be pleased…"

But before he could finish his platitudes, Catherine was down the hall.

Calming down.

Thinking.

Planning.

Scheming.

-----------

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy! or Wife Swap. I do however own not one, but two trombones and a tuba (although, I took it apart to clean it and can't put it back together).

A/N: Hey! You still here? Well, if you are looking for Jeopardy!, please go to Chapter 6. Otherwise stick around and find out the conclusion of "Wife Swap."

Chapter 5

Catherine called Britney back on the number left on the cell. Instead of a conference call between them and Conrad, Catherine, her mother and Lindsey were on the line with Britney, who explained what a "Wife Swap" five days would entail.

If she accepted, Catherine would be swapped with Jesse, a homemaker from Haverhill, Mass., who lives with her husband, Barry, and four children. Jesse makes sure her family receives three home-cooked meals a day. She is also very active in community groups, including the local actors club, Moms Morning Out group and Karaoke Lovers Unlimited.

Lindsey laughed out loud. "Will my mom have to do the Karaoke, cooking and acting? And will that be caught on tape?"

"Well, that's the point of the swap," Britney said.

"Mom, you've got to do this."

"Lindsey, now wait a minute. You're not looking at the other side of the coin," Catherine said. "That means Jesse will be YOUR mom for five days."

"Oh yeah," Lindsey said. "Homemade meals, there's a chance she might sing me to sleep, and she has to go the lab at night. Oh yeah, that's devastating."

The lab at night? Now that's interesting. What would they do with her? Is that legal or moral or ethical?

Shit, Catherine thought, it was Conrad's idea with the blessings of his political comrades. Plus, truth be told, Lindsey deserved some home-cooked meals.

"I'll do it."

And that's how Catherine ended up on "Wife Swap."

Although the first three hours of her stay in Haverhill were tension-filled, Catherine admitted it sure beat the hell out of going to a decomp to earn a paycheck (plus, there was an additional check from ABC). Catherine was able to share so much with Jesse's kids, for instance:

Doritos make a wonderful side dish;

The best way to deal with a bully is to have friends in law enforcement who could conduct "random" locker searches at their school;

If you live out of your car, drive thru meals could be considered a home-cooked meal as long as you apply the condiments in the car.

Having girl GENES doesn't make a girl dumber than a boy. Boys and girls are equal in intelligence. But girls can make boys dumber with certain JEANS.

But then again, Catherine learned a lot from the different people she met. For instance, Moms Morning Out is a short leap from moms talking about chores to "Desperate Housewives." When the group learned Catherine was a former exotic dancer, they barraged Catherine with questions (including an odd question about whether she had ever been to the beaches of Vietnam. No idea where that came from).

Finally, Catherine agreed to give the women lessons on how to exotically dress and dance. Catherine wasn't sure how Barry, Jesse's husband, would explain the newly attached "stripper pole" in the recreation room, but then again, that wasn't Catherine's problem.

When she returned to Vegas, Catherine wondered how Jesse did at the lab. As she walked through the doors and saw the "Thank God you're here" stares, she began to think maybe not that good.

Nick was the first to make the approach.

"Oh God, Catherine, what a disaster. I've never seen anyone throw up as much as she did."

Poor thing, Catherine thought. "What happened?"

"Well, first day she came in, Grissom gave her a B&E with me. A B&E, Catherine. We get there, she sees the broken glass and she throws up," Nick said. "Luckily, we were outside still so there wasn't any evidence contamination.

"Grissom wanted to take her off immediately and send her back home, but Ecklie rejected that, and said maybe it would be good for her to try something less graphically demanding, so Conrad put her on the museum heist with Grissom.

"Well, the scene was about an hour away, so Grissom drove. Did you know Jesse sings? A lot? Grissom said she didn't stop singing from the time she was in the car to the three hours at the scene and throughout the drive back."

Catherine tried to avoid her snicker. Gil would kill her. "Did he get the migraine?"

"And he spread it to the rest of us," Nick proclaimed.

"But you said you'd never seen so much vomit?" Catherine asked.

"Oh, that covered the course of a few days, Cath. The next day, Grissom was told to give her one more chance on the field, so he tried another B&E. Harmless, right? Well, it would have been if the cops had cleared the scene properly and there wouldn't have been a 419 in the bathroom Jesse stumbled into."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes."

"Who was processing the scene with Jesse?"

"Grissom."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes."

"Oh my God, Grissom must have been livid about the scene. He didn't yell at Jesse did he?"

"No, actually, he was cool about her, despite... well, let's just say he took one, well, actually, two for the team. She puked on him a couple of times before he could get her to calm down. But as nice as he was with Jesse, he turned 180 degrees on the cops at the scene." Nick turned around to make sure Grissom wasn't around. "Ever heard Grissom curse? I mean really curse? Scary. But fortunately he and Greg finished processing and found credit card receipts in the garbage. Brass got an easy confession out of the guy."

"So," Catherine couldn't stop asking. "What did Grissom do with her?"

"He told me and Warrick to call Ecklie and have him meet Jesse in his office so he can help her calm down. I don't know exactly what happened in the office, but when I left I heard a lot of crying and then I heard the old 'heave ho' from inside Ecklie's office."

Catherine could hold it in no longer. "OH MY GOD!" Cackling ensued, even from Nick.

"Wait, I'm not done," Nick said between chuckles.

"Oh, do tell," Catherine invited.

"Needless to say, Jesse went home that night. So for day three, Grissom told Ecklie it might be best to keep her with the lab rats. Well, Wendy was being a bitch about the whole thing and didn't want Jesse there. But Bobby said Jesse could be with him. … Did you know that some people puke at the sound of a gun?"

"I do now."

"Well, luckily she had the will power to make it to the toilet. We were proud of her. And actually Day 4 was a good day. Mia took her in and they seemed to hit it off, and Archie showed her some stuff. She loved Archie's lab. To celebrate Greg, Bobby, Warrick, Archie, Mia, Judy and I took Jesse to a Karaoke bar and she cooked us all an awesome breakfast at your place."

"Really?" Catherine said.

"Best potato omelet and fruit salad I have ever had. And she sings one hell of a 'Stand by Your Man.'"

"So, how was Day 5?"

"It would have been fine. Grissom found out Archie didn't mind Jesse around, so he wanted her there the entire time. But apparently Hodges complained he had no face time with Jesse and her cameras."

"And Grissom gave a shit about that?"

"No," Nick said. "But apparently Ecklie did. So Jesse spent time with Hodges, who spoke more to the camera than Jesse about the intricacies of cotton fibers. It would have been fine if he if didn't pull out a shirt from the McClain stabbing death."

Ha ha ha, Catherine thought. "A bit of vomit."

"Did you ever see the movie 'Stand By Me?'" Catherine nodded, and Nick asked, "Remember that scene when the kid throws up at the pie eating contest?"

"And then the person next to him pukes?" Catherine added.

"Yup. She puked on Hodges, and Hodges puked on himself. And they just kept going. It was awful."

Catherine suddenly had an urge to pump her fist in the air. Instead she patted her co-worker on the back. "Yeah, Nicky, well, Karma's a bitch."

-----------------

TBC

-----------------

A/N: Why a mention of Vietnam way up there? Well, Marg Helgenburger was a cast member of "China Beach," where she played a prostitute.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

A/N: OK, it's all about Jeopardy! from here on out. Thanks for coming and hope you enjoy. Special thanks to spottedhorse for the correction in text ;-)

Chapter 6

Grissom felt confident after the Jeopardy! test, and let his mind wander.

Catherine describing teaching housewives to exotic dance.

Hodges puking in his own lab.

Ecklie protesting with a cameraman and "Wife Swap" producer.

It all made five hours of listening to Jesse's singing and getting vomited upon worth it. Almost.

"OK, could I have your attention please," said a Jeopardy! producer to the test participants breaking Grissom out of his daydream. "We would like to thank everyone for coming and hope you had fun with the test. Unfortunately, you are only able to qualify for the second portion of this event if you answer 35 of 50 correct, in which we will ask you to stay for a short, taped interview."

The producer looked at his notes and said, "According to our tally, five of you will stay for the interview, so if we call your name, please come to the front where we will take you to a waiting room. Maureen O'Leary, Carlos Gonzalez, Janet Shelton, Amy Gauz and Gil Grissom."

A grin came over Grissom. Screw you, Jim, he thought.

Inside the interview room of the Brain Bus, Producer Philip Beck perused the top five test-taking candidates, and checked out the two men. Beck began his career on the Jeopardy! crew some eight years ago pre-screening and testing possible candidates. As a producer, Beck had many other responsibilities, but he liked to get out once in a while and the earlier-than-expected maternity leave of a co-worker gave Beck the perfect opportunity to leave Burbank.

And here he was in Vegas and before the test, he thought it was a bust, thanks to the horrific crime scene the bus happened upon. When Beck stood outside the Brain Bus, he spoke with Capt. Jim Brass prior to the testing. Brass asked Beck if anyone could take the test. Beck said today would be a good day to tryout, since the line was non-existent.

"Well, I got a candidate for you," Brass said. "This guy would be a tough guy to beat."

"Really," Beck said. He couldn't count the number of times he heard this song and dance, but then again, he never had this conversation at a crime scene. "So you know a brainac, huh?"

"Oh, I don't think you understand. This guy's a machine. Annoys the hell out of people a lot of times. He wouldn't just pass your test, he'd correct your grammar."

It was no secret that since the Ken Jennings phenomenon (who made a record 72 consecutive wins), the show was always looking for contestants who might last for several shows. But they were also looking for interesting candidates, especially if they stay long. Beck hated pulling out interesting tidbits for the "get to know you" segment of the show. But if this guy Brass is talking about is in law enforcement, there might be stories to make Alex Trebek blush. And, damn, that fueled Beck even more. Nothing was better than making Trebek flustered.

"This guy, he in law enforcement or just a geek friend?" Beck asked.

Brass took a sip of his awful coffee, "Both."

"Well, I don't want to know much about him, or we'll have to count him out. But encourage him to take the test."

"Thanks, I'll do that," Brass said with a smile.

As Beck looked through the two men's test, he saw Carlos made a good showing, with 40 correct answers. Then he looked at Gil Grissom's test. On question 36 ("This bird embarks on the longest migration trip then any other bird"), Grissom not only answered the question correctly ("Sterna paradisaea -- Arctic Tern"), he put a note next to the answer that read, "The question should read, '... This bird embarks on a LONGER migration trip THAN any other bird.'"

"Well holy shit," Beck said. And then he saw the test total -- 48 of 50 correct, with mistakes on contemporary music and Hollywood gossip questions.

For the first time in a long time, Beck looked forward to an interview.

-----------------

TBC

-----------------

A/N: BTW, in case you were wondering, third time was not a charm for the Tic Tac girl. She failed the test, again.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 7

Now, if Grissom seemed nervous, he didn't want to think about it. If anything, he missed Sara. She would get a kick out of this. Before he could think much more, a young woman with a headset poked her head out of the interview room.

"Mr. Grissom? We're ready for you now."

Gil Grissom stood and pressed down his Forensics jacket before he made his way to the door. "Thank you," he said.

Philip Beck rose from his makeshift desk and greeted Grissom warmly, "Mr. Grissom. Nice to meet you, I'm Philip Beck, a producer with Jeopardy! I must say you did quite well on our test."

"Could I have it back?" Grissom asked.

"Excuse me?"

"I'd like to show a friend of mine. He said I couldn't pass the test."

Beck chuckled. "Well, tell your friend Philip Beck, Jeopardy! producer, said you got 48 out of 50 correct. That should suffice, don't you think?"

"Probably not, but it will have to do," Grissom said lightly with a genuine smile.

"Well we're just going to see how comfortable you feel behind a buzzer, and get some background information from you, and that will be it. Sound good?"

"Sure." Grissom stood behind a contestant podium in the mock Jeopardy! set, and put on his glasses. A few questions later, and it was time to sit and chat.

"So, Mr. Grissom, tell me about your background and line of work."

"I'm a criminologist and entomologist for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I supervise the night shift. I've been there 15 years. I grew up near L.A., near the shore. And my interests in finding dead animals near the surf guided me into an internship and job in the L.A. coroner's office."

Did I just say that? Grissom thought. God, he was tired. Grissom looked at the duo in front of him.

The girl with the headset looked a bit, grossed out. But Beck still looked pleasant.

"Wow," Beck said, impressed. "So I guess you deal with your share of dead bodies and creepy bugs."

"I suppose I do."

For some reason, Beck knew this guy had stories, he just had to get them out. "Well, give me a story about that. Just a story that only Gil Grissom, criminologist and entomologist and co-worker with police and coroners, could produce."

Grissom thought a bit. Should he? Ah, what the hell. He felt a little punchy from being awake for so long.

"Well, there was the time when Dr. Al Robbins, he is our coroner, and I were examining this body that had been in Lake Mead for two weeks. Decomposed, but not yet human soup. Well, Al and I are talking about COD," Grissom received blank stares. "Sorry, COD, cause of death, when we notice this gurgle in the stomach cavity. At first Al and I thought it was gas, but it happened again, so Al went to cut the cavity and then this huge rat just jumps out of the body and across the floor. I would have got him if Al didn't scream like a schoolgirl."

Grissom laughed at the memory, but then he looked at the other two people in the room.

The young woman with the headphones seemed absolutely dumbstruck.

Beck was too, but a smile quickly broke his face.

"Mr. Grissom, that is the best story I've heard in a long time. Give me another one."

How about that? Grissom thought. He liked the story. God, he wished Sara were there.

"Well, my fianceé and I argue about whether or not sitting up with a decaying pig should be considered one of our first dates."

"Seriously?" the young woman asked. "He's going to talk about a dead pig? Is this guy serious?"

"Hold it Amber. I think this might be interesting. Go ahead Mr. Grissom."

"She was stuck on a case and it was important to conduct an experiment on decomposition of a human body and report all the findings. Pig decomposition parallels that of humans, so I thought I would help her case and stake out the dead pig as it decomposed. It was a cold night and she decided to join me and bring me soup and a blanket."

"Hmm. That must have been a treat," Amber said sarcastically.

"Oh, it was," Grissom said, without a hint of sarcasm.

"I bet she's quite a woman," Beck said, warmly.

"Oh, she is," Grissom said.

"I bet, you weirdo." Amber said quietly under her breath. Then she started the spiel. "Mr. Grissom, thanks so much for your time. You will be put on a list where you may or may not be invited to be a contestant on Jeopardy!, and, if so, it probably won't be for several months. You stay on the list for 18 months, and in that time, you will not need to try and qualify for the game."

Beck got up and extended a hand to Grissom. "It was good to meet you, Mr. Grissom. I hope to talk with you again soon."

"I guess we'll see, Mr. Beck. Amber, it was good to meet you." And with that Grissom left.

"Phil," Amber said. "You can't be serious about asking that guy."

"What? I thought he was great."

"Mr. Trebek would not appreciate his 'stories.'"

Oh, what a kiss-ass, Beck thought. "Look," he said as he put papers back in his briefcase. "We have to look at things from viewers' perspectives. That guy has staying power. And he's good looking enough and polite. And it's not like we would run out of tidbits of his life. He dissected animals as a kid, for Christ's sake, and now works to catch bad guys."

"Dissecting animals as a kid makes him sound like a serial killer."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't mean America won't want to watch him," Beck said. "Amber, I'm just saying Mr. Grissom seems to be a good candidate. And Mr. Trebek loves smart people. He would enjoy Mr. Grissom."

And if he didn't, all the better, Beck thought.

-----------------

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 8

One day in mid January…

"It's about time you made good on that bet," Grissom said to the friend at his front door.

"Well, it's about time you invited me to your place for breakfast," said Jim, as he entered Grissom's house with the purchase from the liquor store. "Or is this lunch?" Both men worked way past the night shift and it was almost noon.

"Whatever you want to eat," Grissom said, accepting the scotch, with a smile. "Make yourself at home. I'm going to let Hank out."

As Grissom went to play with the dog, Jim noticed the light flashing on the answering machine. Could that be Sara? It would be nice to hear Cookie's voice again. But it wasn't his machine and Gil deserved to hear Sara's voice more than he did, Jim thought.

But when Grissom came back inside, Jim couldn't wait to say something.

"You got a message on your machine, Gil."

Grissom's face went a blank. His first thought was the same as Jim's. Maybe it was Sara.

"Listen, I'll go in the kitchen and make some coffee. Give you some privacy."

But before Jim could make an exit, Grissom pushed play.

"Hello, Mr. Grissom, this is Philip Beck from the Jeopardy! crew. I'm hoping you remember me because you certainly made an impression on us. I just had three cancellations of contestants for our taping in two days, and I wanted to push you up the contestant line. We're hoping you'll accept our invitation to be on the show. Our taping will be on the 15th. My number is..."

Grissom went to push delete, but Brass was quick to the punch.

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm deleting it."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'Why?' I'm not going on the show."

"Gil, you'd do great on Jeopardy!"

Grissom started laughing. "Sure. Sure I would."

Jim wasn't about to argue with his friend. All he had to do was get him away from the machine so Grissom wouldn't delete the message. "You would," Jim said turning his friend toward the kitchen. "Hey, how about you make some of those great quesadillas of yours and we'll have some of this scotch."

Thankfully, the quesadillas were made before Jim refilled Grissom's glass for the third time, although Grissom did slice his hand when he was cutting tomatoes for the salsa. Despite what looked like a good sting, Grissom didn't even flinch. He simply wrapped his hand in a towel and told a story about his short stint as a prep cook in high school.

"I was peeling all these carrots and potatoes with some other girl, God, I don't even remember her name, Rachel or Rachelle or something, we were standing across from each other with this very narrow cutting station between us," Grissom tried to get the next thing out but was laughing to much, which made Brass crack up, as well. "The head cook, jeez, what an ass he was, we had to call him 'Chef Todd.' Well, he was behind me yelling, 'Come on Grissom! Move it! You have 40 more pounds to go!' So I'm peeling like mad, and I'm not even noticing where the peels are flying." Grissom was making frantic peeling gestures almost at eye level.

"All the sudden, I looked at Rachel or whatever, and she was maybe 4 feet 10 inches tall, and she is just covered with peels. She was furious. So, being the gentleman I am, I thought I would help get the peels off her. But when I ran around the cutting station, my foot slipped on some more peels and I end up flying on top of her. And you can imagine where my hands landed."

Jim was cackling. "Firmly on her boobs."

"Lack there of, if you ask me," Grissom said.

"So the first time you copped a feel, you were covered with vegetables."

"Yeah," Grissom said. "And now I'm in love with a vegetarian."

As their laughter subsided, they enjoyed a moment of peace.

"Is she still in California?" Brass asked.

"I believe so," Grissom said, a bit melancholy, but more buzzed. "I asked if we could see each other over Christmas, but she said she wasn't ready. Since then, I haven't talked to her in a while. I got a message saying she was OK, but not where she was. When I try to call, I get an out of range signal."

Then he surprised Jim. "Have you heard from her?" Grissom asked.

"No. Not for weeks." Jim offered.

"You know if she is in California," Jim mused, "maybe that would be a good excuse to go on Jeopardy! Gives you a reason to go see her."

"Here we go again. Jim, first of all, Ecklie would never let me on TV, not after Catherine's stint."

"You didn't hear? ABC is not airing that episode of 'Wife Swap.' Seems between protests from the mayor's office and the amount of vomit on our end of the swap, ABC nixed it."

"You mean, they didn't want to air Catherine's exotic dancing classes?" Grissom said with a smile.

Well, how about that, Jim thought, he's still buzzed. Jim went to fill Grissom's glass again. "Catherine teaching exotic dancing. Now that is something I want to see," Jim said as he poured.

An hour and a half after they started drinking, half the scotch was gone and so was Grissom. Time to go for the kill. Jim grabbed the notebook and pen he always carried in his jacket and went to the machine. He fast-forwarded through the message to get to the phone number. It wasn't long before Grissom stumbled behind him.

"What are you doing now?" Grissom asked, trying hard to focus on Jim.

"Me? Oh, I'm doing you a favor," Jim said, as he picked up the receiver.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah, you need a change, buddy boy, and this might help you out."

"What are you talking about?" Grissom really needed to sit down. Where's that couch again?

Jim noticed Grissom getting wobbly and trying to find a place to land. "Over there, Gil. Take two steps forward and two steps to the right. No, buddy, your other right."

Oh, there's the couch.

"Yes, I'm trying to reach Philip Beck," Brass said over the line. "Mr. Beck? Yes, hello, this is Capt. Jim Brass from Las Vegas. ... Yeah. I'm doing fine. Thanks so much. ... I see you've met my friend, Gil Grissom. ... Yes, well, I was talking to him, and he is just SO excited about being picked for Jeopardy!"

Grissom was on the couch and the word Jeopardy! perked him up. "Jim, are you calling those people?"

"Could you excuse me for one second, Mr. Beck?" Jim covered the receiver with his hand. "Just doing you a favor, buddy. Hey, did you let Hank back in the house?"

"Hank?" Grissom asked. "Who's Hank? ... Oh, the dog," Grissom laughed at himself and got off the couch. As he passed by his friend, Grissom pointed a finger at Brass and said, sternly, "Hank's our dog."

"Sure is," Jim said with a smile, and then took his hand from the receiver. "Mr. Beck, sorry about that... yeah, Gil's, well, Gil's taking care of a few things at the moment, but he wanted to make sure he got a call out to you ASAP. Is the invitation still open? ... Yeah, that would be great. ... Yes, I'll probably be going with him for the taping."

After completing a call with Beck, Brass called a buddy from the military who helped him with last minute airfare. He checked on Gil, who was snoozing on a lawn chair in the back yard with Hank at his feet, then made a call to Ecklie.

"Hey Conrad, it's Jim Brass. Grissom's going to need a couple of days off."

-----------------

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 9

He wasn't sure how it happened. He wasn't sure why it happened. But apparently it happened.

In a matter of an hour or two, while Grissom was passed out, helpless, Brass booked Grissom on a national game show, charted flights for two people to Burbank, got people to cover their shifts, packed Grissom's suitcase with four separate outfits for tapings (just in case Grissom won), booked a sitter for Hank and had a rental car waiting to take both men to two already-reserved hotel rooms.

Son of a bitch.

Now Grissom sat in a small waiting room in Burbank, Calif., with about a dozen other people. At this point, friends and family could stay with the contestants until they are put in another waiting room before the taping. Grissom didn't have family or friends with him. He had Brass.

"So, you still pissed at me?" Brass asked with a smile.

"I just want to get this over with," Grissom answered, wringing his hands in his lap.

"Gil, you're going to do great. You know that. Come on," Brass said, beginning to lower his voice, "You could bury these chumps. Earn some extra cash that could be used to take some real time off and spend it with a special somebody, and I'm not talking about me."

"I don't need the extra cash," Grissom said.

Now he was just being stubborn. And nervous, perhaps? Jim's never witnessed that.

"I'm going let you go," Brass said.

Grissom looked up quickly. "Where you going?"

He WAS nervous. All the sudden Brass remembered how Grissom always asked Catherine to do the media duty during high profile cases. It wasn't just Grissom being an asshole. Maybe he was nervous about the cameras.

"Look, Gil, just think of it like a puzzle. A mental exercise. You've been working like a dog lately and, let's face it, you're in bad shape over Sara. You need to unwind. And for reasons I don't understand, focusing your mind on needless information seems to calm you down."

Grissom gave Brass a look. Maybe he was in the room with a friend.

"It's been a little ... difficult lately," Grissom said, putting a hand through his hair. Grissom stood up to follow Brass to the door.

"Hey, this will be done before you know it. Trust me. I know. Plus," Brass reached over to Grissom and unbuttoned the second and third buttons from Grissom's shirt, "it's always good to loosen up."

Grissom knocked Brass' hand from his own chest. "Jesus, Jim, what the hell are you doing?"

"Hey," Jim said with a big laugh, "never hurts to show us what you got."

"Get the hell off me," Grissom said, sternly but with humor behind his words. "Get out of here!"

Jim was laughing. "I'll be out there watching. Good luck, buddy! Make me proud!"

Grissom nodded a goodbye and quickly buttoned the two buttons again.

The choosing of contestants for the taping of five shows would be random. In fact, two of the 12 challengers present today would not get a chance to play. Grissom wasn't sure if he wanted to be in that duo or not. But it didn't matter.

"OK," said one Jeopardy! crew member. "Mr. Halstead, you of course will be playing as our returning champion, and your challengers will be Dolores Hightower and Gil Grissom."

No turning back now.

Each contestant was directed to a personal producer for the show. A familiar face became Grissom's producer.

"Mr. Grissom."

"Mr. Beck. How are you?"

"Good. I should ask you the same question," Beck said with a smile. "I'm glad you agreed to come at short notice. How are you? Nervous at all?"

"Trying not to be."

"Good. Good. That's the key. I don't want you to be nervous or uncomfortable so if there is anything you have a question about or a request let me know and we'll see what we'll do. OK?"

"Sure."

Beck regurgitated the routine one more time. Then he asked for some "interesting stories" for the "get-to-know you segment." "Any questions?" Beck asked.

"No."

"Good, then all you have to worry about now is remembering how to spell 'Gil' correctly on your computer screen."

Grissom hadn't thought about that, but somehow a giant "G-I-L" made him feel very uncomfortable. Then there is the idea of a stranger calling him "Gil."

"Mr. Beck, I would prefer to write 'Grissom' rather than 'Gil.' Would that be possible?"

"You want to be addressed as 'Grissom'?"

"That's correct."

"Any reason?"

"Habit, I suppose."

Beck thought it over. Certain people would not like it. But who cares? With this guy, it made sense. Adds to his charm, Beck thought.

"Consider it done."

Alex Trebek did not speak much to contestants, almost none at all. In fact, he stood several yards from the contestants for most of the show. But he still needed to know something about them before the show started, which is why there are producers. As he looked through the three sets of notes provided by the producers, he stopped. "Mr. Beck, question please."

"Yes sir."

"This Gil Grissom. He wants to be called Grissom?"

"Yes sir."

"Why?"

"Habit, I suppose."

"A bit unorthodox, don't you think? You should convince him to reconsider."

"Sir, I think it would be better to grant his request. Apparently, everyone addresses him like that. Almost like it's his first name. I wouldn't worry about orthodoxy."

"Who does he think he is, an astronaut?" Trebek said under his breath, but not really. Everyone could hear the comment. Then he continued reading, "Beck, what does this say here about a crock pot?"

"Um, nothing sir," Beck said. "We can talk about that later."

-----------------

TBC

-----------------

A/N: I tried to be as true as possible to how it would be for a Jeopardy! contestant, using research from the Internet and news articles.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 10

Jim Brass was correct about one thing. All five shows went faster than Grissom could have expected. It took a few questions to get rid of the butterflies and get into a rhythm. The first taping he pulled $18,950. Second taping a little more. Then on the taping for Day 3, Grissom took over.

"The only member of the Warren Commission who became president of the United States. … Grissom."

"Who is Gerald Ford?"

"In 'Caesar and Cleopatra,' Cleopatra tells the aging Caesar to rub rum on his head to make this happen. ... Grissom."

"What is make his hair grow?"

"Though he never won a Nobel Prize, 'The Life of ...' this Frenchman won a 1937 Best Picture Award. ... Grissom."

"Who is Emile Zola?"

He won both daily doubles (including one that was a true daily double). And the audience loved that he won big. They especially hooted when Grissom bet $8,000 at Final Jeopardy even though his score secured a win.

And it was on the category "Before Broadway," not his strong suit. But, hey, he's from Vegas.

"Before starring on Broadway, I spent eight years as Dr. 'Jackpot' Jackson on this medical series, a spin-off of MASH."

Grissom took a gamble — Trapper John, M.D. And he won. $48,000 in total, to be exact.

But the scores weren't the only things the audience loved. The "get-to-know-you" segment became a fast hit. At first, Beck got the mild stuff out there.

Day 1: "So Grissom, by the way, you wanted to be called by your last name, right?"

"Yes."

"Any reason? Maybe you idolized Gus Grissom or did you play a lot of sports in school so you are used to being called by your last name."

"No. I just like Grissom."

"Man of few words, ehh?"

"Yes."

Beck got a little more exotic on Day 2: "Our returning champion is Gil Grissom. It says here one of your prerequisites for working at your lab is offering a blood sample. I, uh... that's quite strange, don't you think."

"No."

"Why do you need your co-worker's blood?"

"Oh, so many reasons."

On Day 3, the audience met the bugman: "Our returning champion is Gil Grissom, who enjoys, am I reading this right, racing cockroaches? Are those like the one's you try to kill at 2 in the morning."

"Why would you just kill bugs at 2 in the morning?" Grissom said, sadly, then continued. "No, these are actually giant roaches, about the size of a Snickers bar. I have their names painted on the top of them to tell them apart."

There was the gross factor, from the audience and Trebek.

"So, is part of coaching taking them out and petting them?"

"No," Grissom said with disdain. "You don't pet roaches."

"Right."

"I pet my tarantula, but not my roaches."

Before Day 4, there was a note from Trebek to Beck. "Limit the bug stuff," it read.

Day 5 was slotted as a Friday show, which meant it might be smart to give the audience something to remember, so they return on Monday. Time for the crock-pot.

"Our returning champion is Gil Grissom. You know, I'm almost scared to look at the card, ... Let's see. OK, it says here you once peeled the face off a bodiless head. You know I don't know if I want to know ..."

But before he could be dismissed, Grissom chimed in, "Oh, yeah! That was great. The secret is to use laundry detergent..."

"Oh no..."

Grissom is unfazed. "The laundry detergent works amazingly. Once the head soaks in a crock pot with the stuff the face peels off like a Halloween mask."

It's not easy to make Alex Trebek speechless, which is why there was another note given to Beck after Day 5. "Next time I'm just going to ask Grissom what he had for breakfast."

With five shows taped, Grissom was asked to return in six days for another taping. Jim found his friend backstage and congratulated him. "Hey, we have a couple hours before we need to get to the airport. How about a drink? You're treat."

"You have a drink, I'll get a soda. God knows what happens if I have liquor with you again. I don't want to end up on MTV's Road Rules."

"Gil, I had no idea you were so hip," Jim teased.

-----------------

TBC

-----------------

A/N: Some of the Jeopardy! questions for this story are attributed to "The Jeopardy! Book" by Alex Trebek and Peter Barsocchini (Harper Perennial, 1990). Some I made up. The actor who portrayed Jackpot Jackson is Brian Mitchell, who won a Tony Award as Best Actor in a Musical in 2000 for "Kiss Me, Kate." He also was Tony-nominated as Best Actor in a Musical twice (1998 for portraying Colehouse Walker in "Ragtime" and in 2003 for playing Don Quixote in "Man of La Mancha") and once as Best Actor in a Play (2001 for August Wilson's "King Hedley II").


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 11

Only Brass and Ecklie knew Grissom spent time on the set of one of America's top-rated game shows. It wasn't out of the ordinary when Grissom took a couple of days off, even if the purpose was to travel to California for another taping on the 21st, which he did without Brass.

But by the time he returned to work after his second taping (where he once again triumphed five times), the first and second episode had aired. He kept a low profile as he entered the lab, but it wasn't too long before someone stormed into his office.

"I have got to take you shopping."

Grissom looked up, not at all surprised at his visitor's presence. "Hello, Catherine."

"Gil, it's not that I was surprised to see you on television, I just can't believe you would go on television looking like you were dressed by a death row inmate."

"Actually, Brass was the one who picked my outfits."

"You let Brass pick what you would wear on national TV?"

This conversation was making Grissom feel more and more uncomfortable. What did he get himself into?

"I didn't let him. He just did. Look, it's a long story."

"Right, right," Catherine chided. "But I'm still taking you shopping. The shirt you wore last night was too big."

"Brass accidentally grabbed some of my bigger shirts," Grissom said, trying hard not to give anything away. "But Catherine, you have no idea whether I'm even going to be on the show after tomorrow."

"Oh please," with her hands on her hips. "Look, you don't have to tell me whether you won or not. But humor me. Let me buy something that won't make you look like an axe murderer."

"Now you're exaggerating," Grissom said and he stood, ready to leave his office.

The next few days Grissom dealt with his share of good-natured teasing. The worst came from his co-workers (shopping with Catherine was excruciating, comparable to the time he tried out for a baseball team and his mother went with him to buy a cup).

Working crime scenes for the night shift turned out to be a blessing, since Grissom rarely ran into someone who recognized him from a game show. And since he didn't go to many places besides the house and office, that gave him little chance to be "recognized," which was fine by Grissom, who kept on winning.

But there were people who recognized him, even if Grissom had no idea.

The Living Tree Diner is nestled in the redwoods off Highway 101 in Fortuna, Calif. It has its share of tourists, hikers and truckers, but also has a contingent of regulars who enjoy each other's company. At about 2 p.m., when there is a lull after the breakfast and lunch crowds, the group enjoys coffee and watches "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy!" that was TIVOed from the night before.

While watching the second show, the bell on the front door chimed. Mason, the diner's owner, was about to get up, but Jackie, his waitress, gave him a pat on the back. "I'll get it. I know you don't want to miss a minute."

"Thanks, sweetie," Mason said and he quickly sat back down.

"Hey there," Jackie said as she approached the patron. "You need a menu or would you like to sit down?"

"Oh, I'm driving down south, and thought I'd get some coffee and stuff to munch on," she said.

"Come over here, and I'll get you a fresh to-go cup," Jackie said.

Jeopardy! was back from commercial break and conversations ceased. Double Jeopardy! categories included "Poet-Pourri," "Shakespeare Operas," "Biblically Speaking," "All or 'Nut'ing," "A long time ago...", and "In a Galaxy Far, Far, Away."

"I bet he goes for Shakespeare first," Mason said.

"Naw, the science stuff first," said Vanessa as she reached for the pot of coffee on the table.

Jackie passed a 24-ounce cup of fresh coffee to the patron with a smile, and placed cream and sugar in front of her. Then Jackie faced the television. "He's generally good at any literature questions, not just Shakespeare."

The last place contestant requested "Poet-Pourri" for $400.

"Besides writing seafaring sagas, this New Yorker was a 'whale' of a poet," Trebek said. "Grissom?"

"Who is Herman Melville?"

The patron almost chocked on her coffee as she tested its sweetness. Gil's voice was unmistakable to Sara. She turned her attention to the television.

"Poet-Pourri for 800."

It was Gil. Oh my God, Sara thought.

"The Browning spent most of their married life in this country and both of them died there. ... Grissom?"

"What is Italy?"

Sara just couldn't believe her eyes. She stood fixed in her place with her eyes on the TV. She hadn't seen him for almost four months, and she couldn't believe she was seeing him now. He looked thinner, but still handsome and wonderful and a little melancholy. She laughed to herself as she watched him stand with such intensity, as he answered question after question correctly.

She recalled the last time they spoke — before the holidays. Grissom wanted to see her, but Sara wasn't ready. She knew if they got together, she would stay with him. And she wasn't ready. That is what she kept telling herself.

He didn't press, never did, but she knew she was disappointing him. So she didn't contact him much at all after that. Not because she didn't want to talk to him. Not because she didn't miss him, which she did.

It was because she didn't trust herself. She felt like she was almost there and she wanted to see this through. Not just for her, but for him, too.

And here she was staring at his face and being so far away. He just landed on the Daily Double. She loved the smirk that came over his face as he looked down at his hands.

"The category is Shakespeare Operas, how much would you like to wager, Grissom?"

Sara watched as Grissom glanced at what she was assumed the board in front of him. She knew what he was thinking -- still a lot of questions left on the board.

"Make it a true Daily Double, champ!" Mason yelled at the TV.

Sara knew his wager before it left his mouth.

"11,200, please."

The Living Tree Diner gang whooped!

"A true daily double. OK, here's your answer. This play begat at least two operas named 'Viola' and two named 'Malvolio.'"

Sara saw that smile, and a tear escaped her eye.

"What is 'Twelfth Night?'"

"Correct."

The studio audience applauded. The Living Tree Diner gang went nuts.

"I told you, he knows his Shakespeare," Mason said eagerly. "He might break $40,000 again today."

"Again?" Sara said out loud, without realizing it. The gang immediately turned around. "Oh," Sara said, tightening her grip on her coffee, "sorry, I haven't been watching this or any TV for a while."

Mason smiled. "Oh, this guy's a pip," he said, pointing to Grissom's screen image. "He's already won, what, almost $250,000?" The gang nodded in agreement. "Here, darling, have a seat."

Sara watched the rest of the show sitting next to Mason, who seemed to be Grissom's biggest fan. He informed her, during the commercial break, of course, of Grissom's progress on the show. This was his 10th appearance on the show.

"He's a bug guy and some kind of cop or something who likes to be called by his last name. And he tells the grossest stories about body parts and blood and stuff. Makes for good TV," Mason said, "He's a whiz at science, and literature questions and knows his art. And he's got the balls to make big bets. Makes sense, since he's from Vegas, you know."

Yes, she did know.

While Grissom didn't break $40,000 as Mason hoped, he did very well with a $37,500 total. Before the credits could roll, Jackie grabbed the TIVO remote control. "Hey, I think I saw one of those drawings he does with his total," she told her friends.

As Jackie rewound, Vanessa explained to Sara, "Sometimes he makes a little picture in the lower right hand corner of his screen. Sometimes you can't tell what it is. Jackie, you're better at making them out, what do they look like."

"Well, I think he made an ant that first day, and one time it looked like a caterpillar or a worm. I know one was definitely a butterfly and I swear a couple times before that was a cocoon and then a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. Wait! Here, look at that. What is that?"

They all moved their heads from side to side to get a better look, but Sara quickly spoke up.

"It's a bee," she said wistfully.

"Really," Jackie said. "Could be a mosquito or a fly."

"Or a wasp," Vanessa added.

"No, it's definitely a bee."

Sara paid for her coffee, got some snacks (including some fresh fruit from the owner's own refrigerator) and thanked everyone for their hospitality.

"Come back," Jackie said. "I'm sure that guy will be on for a while."

After Sara got situated in her rental car, she dialed the voice mail on her cellular and went to listen to a message she saved a couple of weeks ago.

"Hey, it's me. ... This is the first time in a while I've been able to reach you. I... I hope you're doing well. I miss you. ... So much. You wouldn't believe what's been going on lately. I've been... well, let's just say I'm doing something that is a little unbelievable. (he starts his nervous laugh, and Sara can envision him putting a hand on the back of his neck, smoothing the bottom of his curls). It's Jim's fault, but ... I just wish you were with me. You'd... you'd get a kick of out it. I don't know... maybe you'd even be proud of me. ... I love you. Take care, dear."

Sara saved the message again, and snapped her phone shut. She never understood the message until 20 minutes ago. She was ready to make a phone call herself.

-----------------


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 12

Grissom now faced his fourth taping for Jeopardy! As he waited for the taping of his 15th episode, he couldn't believe the face he saw among the family, friends and contestants in the primary waiting room.

"Al?"

"Gil! Surprised to see me?"

Dr. Albert Robbins serves as chief coroner of the Las Vegas Police Department and has been friends with Gil Grissom for more than a decade. He also is someone who could give Grissom a run for his money because when it comes to knowing shit about all kinds of shit Robbins is definitely in Grissom's league. The two greeted each other warmly.

"You know," Al started. "I was hoping you would still be here, but you're going to be a hell of a guy to beat."

"Did you take the test in Vegas?" Grissom asked.

"No, I took it about a year ago when I was in L.A. Grandma took the grandkids to DisneyLand and Grandpa took the Jeopardy! test. I got a call six months ago with this date. Small world, huh?"

"It is," Grissom said with a big smile.

"You know, Dr. Grissom," Al said for only his friend to hear. "If you're still around when I get there, I'm going to kick your mental ass."

Grissom smiled and stood firm. "Dr. Robbins, I do believe you're challenging me. In fact, if you had a glove in your hand, I would think you had just smacked it in my face."

"Yes," Robbins said, stroking his beard. "That would be about right."

Grissom and Robbins stood there with smiles on their face. Then Grissom said, "Bring it on, Grandpa."

"Oh, it's brought, Bugman."

A few hours later…

"This .. is ... Jeopardy! Let's meet today's contestants.

"A literature professor from Morgantown, W.V., Bonnie Plankett.

"A coroner from Las Vegas, Nev., Al Robbins.

"And our returning champion, an entomologist and criminologist from Las Vegas, Nev., Gil Grissom, whose 19-day cash winnings total $533,504. ...

"And here's the host of Jeopardy!, Alex Trebek!"

"Thank you, Johnny Gilbert. Well, today's game should prove interesting, as two of our contestants know one another. One of our challengers, Dr. Al Robbins, serves as the head coroner at the crime lab where our champion, Gil Grissom, works. And our other challenger Bonnie, will also be trying to slay the champion today, as well. Let's get going with today's first six categories: 'Ancient America,' 'Geographical Songs,' 'Um, Um Good,' 'Potent Quotables,' 'Presidential Life Spans,' and 'Asian History.' Grissom you're our returning champion so you pick first."

And then they were off.

Grissom went for "Quotables" and finished the category himself. After a slow start, Doc Robbins got into the act, scoring on a couple of "Geographical Song" questions. Before the first commercial break, 15 answers were chosen, Bonnie answering two, Doc Robbins getting three and Grissom getting 10.

During the commercial break, Robbins took a deep breath and sat down on the stool behind him. He glanced up at Grissom, who looked like the cat who ate the canary.

"Doing OK, Albert?"

"Don't get cocky, kid."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Well, your going to have to start dreaming if you hope to beat me," Robbins said as he stood up.

"I don't know about that. In order for you to win, you have to actually answer some questions," Grissom said, chuckling a bit.

"Ha ha ha," Robbins sarcastically retorted. "You know, Gil, I think it's time I took the kid gloves off."

"Oh, were you using kid gloves? That must be why you are unable to use your buzzer."

The tit-for-tat went on, and did not get unnoticed by each man's producer.

"Are you listening to them," said Javier Natale, Doc Robbins' producer, to Philip Beck. "If they weren't laughing so much, you'd think they were at each other's throats."

"I know," Beck said. "Isn't it great?"

They went back to the two friends who are now talking over each other. "Gilbert, it's so refreshing to see that you aren't self conscious about how you look on camera."

"Albert, you're going there, are you?"

"Really, I think it takes courage for a man to wear women's glasses."

"This coming from a man whose glasses are tied to a chain around his neck. You might as well have a glass of prune juice at your side."

"OK, gentlemen," said the assistant director, "let's get back to task. We're on in 5, 4, 3, ..."

The theme music is cued, and Trebek made his way to the contestants.

"Bonnie Plackett is a literature professor from West Virginia University in Morgantown, W.V.," Trebek said, smiling as he shared a short story with Bonnie.

Next Trebek moved to Doc Robbins.

"Al Robbins is a coroner for the Las Vegas Police Department, and works with our champion, who you say is afraid of rodents."

"What?" Grissom said off camera.

"This should be good," Beck said out of earshot backstage.

"We were examining a decomposed body from Lake Mead, when I noticed a rippling in the stomach cavity. Although Gilbert, here, thought it was gas, I cut opened the cavity and a rat jumped out."

And the audience groaned. "Gilbert saw the rat and seemed dumbstruck with fear."

"Interesting," Trebek said as he made his way to Grissom. "Our returning champion in Gil Grissom ..."

"I was not the one dumbstruck with fear, it was the good doctor here who lost it."

"Now, Gilbert, no need to feel embarrassed," Al said.

"Well, Albert, if I remember correctly, you were the one who screamed 'RAT!' and immediately retreated to the far side of the room leaving me to try and get the rat."

"I don't remember it like that."

"That's because you were repressing a traumatic memory."

"I'll give you a traumatic memory..."

"Well, that all sounds good," Trebek interrupted. "Grissom the board is yours."

Grissom smiled. "In honor of my dear friend, Albert, Ancient America for 200, please."

"Oh you..." Robbins said off-screen.

The Doc got into a good rhythm and by the time the break came before Double Jeopardy!, Robbins earned $7,000 to Grissom's $9,200. Bonnie even earned $2,000, just by answering four questions. Although Robbins and Grissom heckled one another through the game, they were perfect gentlemen when it came to the other contestant. Upon answering her Daily Double correctly, both men applauded for Bonnie and offered congratulations in ways of "Wonderful job" and "Excellent." Doc Robbins even gave her a pat on the back.

The commercial break yielded similar conversations from the two friends. Instead of feeling nervous and out of place, Bonnie delighted in listening to the two men.

"Don't think I've forgotten about that 'ancient' comment, Gil. And if I recall, you're no spring chicken yourself," Robbins said.

"Well, Al, I'm just glad you were able to remember that far back into the game."

"You really are enjoying this too much. Care to make this more interesting?"

"What do you have in mind," Grissom whispered. "Oh, wait, I should speak louder, WHAT DID YOU…"

"Damn it, Gil," Robbins said, laughing. "I'm gonna kick your ass when this is over. But to make it interesting for now, why don't we say for every wrong answer you get you have to cook a three-course meal for the Mrs. and me. No chili or burritos. We are talking about the good quality food you brag about."

"Fine. And what about when you get one wrong?"

"I won't."

"Right. ... You have to clean out Rosie's cage," Grissom said, knowing Robbins' love of spiders is matched by his love of rats.

"Fine," Robbins said.

-----------------

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 13

"Welcome back," Trebek told the audience. "We have a great game going so far, and we're ready for Double Jeopardy! Our categories are: 'British Literature,' 'Science is the Word,' 'Jacks of all Trades,' 'Everyone loves Rays, Man,' 'The Doctor is In,' and 'Home Movies.' Bonnie, you make the first selection."

What made the Double Jeopardy! round interesting was its speed. Robbins and Grissom answered questions so quickly and with such intensity, it made Trebek go faster and faster. The pace really kicked up when Grissom asked for "Science is the Word" for 400.

"When bread is 'leavened,' this gas is responsible for the expansion of the dough. Grissom."

"What is carbon dioxide?"

"Correct"

"Science for 800."

"Pumice is a sponge like solid formed on the top of this substance. Grissom."

"What is lava?"

"Correct."

"Science for 1200."

"Iodine is added to table salt to help prevent this glandular deficiency disorder. Al."

"What is goiter?"

"Correct."

"Continue for 1600."

"Mercury's chemical symbol of Hg stands for this word meaning 'water silver.' Al."

"What is hydrogyrum?"

"Incorrect"

"Dammit," Al cursed.

"Yes!" Grissom buzzed in.

"Grissom."

"What is hydrargyrum?"

"Correct."

"2,000 please."

"This is an organism whose DNA is not contained in its nucleus. Al."

"What is prokaryote."

"Correct. I'm going to take a breath and you pick a new category," Trebek said.

"Well, since I'm an actual doctor, not just a PhD like some people," Robbins said as he gave a look towards Grissom. "I'll choose 'The Doctor is In' for 400."

Although Bonnie barely got a buzz in buzzer-wise, she kept the game from being a runaway win for either Grissom or Robbins. Early in the round after answering a 1,200 "Jacks of All Trade" question, she got the 1,600 daily double, in which she wagered 1,000 and got it correct. But she was able to get the second-to-last question on the board correct — "British Literature" for 1,600. That left her with the Daily Double as the last question, again in "British Literature." Her total at the time was 5,800.

"You know, Alex," Bonnie said, with much confidence. "I'm here with two guys from Vegas. So why not? I'm making it a true Daily Double."

The audience, Robbins and Grissom were all impressed.

"This author wrote 'The Lord of the Isles' five years after 'The Lady of the Lake.'"

"Who was Sir Walter Scott?"

"Correct."

The audience and her fellow contestants lit up Bonnie with accolades.

"We've made it to Final Jeopardy! With a close one, Bonnie, you've made an impressive comeback with 11,600, Al Robbins has 12,600 and our champion has 15,400. Wagering will play a big role in Final Jeopardy! so let's take a look at our category. ... Director Trivia. We'll let our contestants make their wager and be right back after this break."

After a quiet break, something that was requested by the assistant director, Alex Trebek quickly went to reading the final question.

"While filming this 1964 classic, director John Huston made each lead actor a gold encrusted pistol with bullets — one with each actor's name on it. This way, when the actors wanted to kill one another, they would use the designated bullet. This proved to be successful. No problems between the cast members arose. Players, you have 30 seconds. Good luck."

Bonnie shook her head as she put her pen down, but when Grissom looked at Robbins, the Doc looked stoic. Grissom laughed to himself. He knew who won.

With the final timpani booms of the theme song, Trebek asked Bonnie for her answer. "What is 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum?' No, I'm sorry, that is incorrect. How much did you wager?" Bonnie revealed she wagered only 100. To which Trebek said, "Well, you are still in this race. Al Robbins, let's see what you wrote down. 'What is 'Night of the Iguana?' John Huston gave guns to Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and Ave Gardner. That's correct. How much did you wager?"

"It's like Bonnie said," Robbins said. "I'm from Vegas."

He bet it all. The audience went nuts.

"Well done," Trebek said, walking to Grissom. "That leaves you Grissom. How did you answer?"

His screen read, "What is 'Night of the Iguana?'"

"That's correct. How much did you wager?"

Grissom looked at Robbins as he revealed his wager.

0.

The audience couldn't believe it.

"Al Robbins you are our new Jeopardy! champion, and we say goodbye to Gil Grissom who leaves us with 549,904. Grissom, we will most likely see you at the Tournament of Champions. Goodnight!"

As the closing music played and Trebek approached the players, Grissom turned to his friend, "Congratulations, Albert. Excellent job."

Robbins brought Grissom in for a hug, "Are you crazy? You had to know I would wager everything."

"But I didn't know you or I would get the question right. All or nothing. I thought you might go for it all, so I went for nothing. It was a gamble. You did great. It was an honor playing with you."

"Thanks buddy, same to you."

"And," Grissom added. "Rosie will need her cage cleaned next week."

--

TBC

--

A/N: I wrote the final question in honor of William Petersen's Broadway debut, which was … you guessed it, Tennessee Williams' "Night of the Iguana."


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy!

Chapter 14

After signing the necessary papers and listening to all the information about when he was going to receive his check, Grissom was ready to leave.

It humbled him that so many people wanted to greet him before he was to leave. Members of the crew — from the make-up artists to the writers, producers to cameramen — they all wanted to pat Grissom on the back and wish him well. It made Grissom feel good … and a little embarrassed. Even after being on television, he still didn't like to be the center of attention.

Philip Beck made sure he was able to get Grissom out of the crowd. After going through 20 tapings with Grissom, he knew he was a man who liked his privacy. And, hell, he wanted to say goodbye, too.

"Hey, Grissom," Beck said. "Did you get to say goodbye to everybody?"

Grissom looked a bit overwhelmed and tired. "Yes, I think I did."

Beck walked Grissom into the direction of an empty room that had a back exit. It was the exit Grissom was accustomed to taking with the other contestants, who had since left.

"That was one hell of a show you had."

"Yeah," Grissom said with a laugh. "I don't think I could have taken another match like that."

"I think you could have. Listen, thanks for coming on the show."

"It was a lot of fun."

Beck looked behind him for a second and then stopped. "So are you ready to get back to Vegas? Back to the same old, same old?"

"One thing about Vegas — things can always change. But I'll miss going to tapings to break my old routine."

"Maybe going back to a routine will do you good," Beck said, reaching out to shake hands with Grissom. "It was a pleasure meeting you, sir. I thoroughly enjoyed your company. Why don't you grab something to eat and drink before you leave," pointing to the catering table. "I think you can get a cell signal in here, too, if you need to make a call."

"Thank you, Mr. Beck. I'll do that."

"Come on now. My friends call me Philip."

"Very good. Thank you, Philip."

Beck turned to leave, giving Grissom another pat on the back. Grissom went to the table and grabbed a bottle of water and an apple. After taking a healthy chug of H20, he powered up his cell to see if there were any messages. No missed calls. No new messages.

He took a bite of his apple, and was ready to walk toward the exit, when his cell vibrated in his hand.

New text message. From Sara cell.

It read, "I'm proud of u."

A smile escaped Grissom's lips. He hadn't heard from her in weeks. He messaged her back.

"Thks. 4 what?"

He kept his eyes on the phone as the message was sent. He took another bite of the apple and unscrewed the water bottle when he felt the phone vibrate again.

New message. From Sara cell.

It read, "Everything."

Grissom texted back: "Luv u. Where r u?"

He placed the cellular on the table to take a swig of water, and then a bite of apple. With the apple in his mouth, his phone vibrated again.

New text message. From Sara cell.

It read, "Turn around."

He held his apple in one hand and read the text again in disbelief. Then he turned from the table, looked up from his phone and saw her.

Sara stood nervous, about 10 feet from Grissom.

"Hey." It was all she could get out.

"Hey." It was all he could get out.

"You know, there is going to be a group of fans from Fortuna, Calif., who are going to be crushed at your loss."

Grissom put his phone in his pocket and took two tentative steps forward. "Is that right?"

Sara took a step forward herself. "Yeah. I thought you did great."

"Were you… did you come to the taping?"

"Yeah, all five episodes. By the second show, I was ready to jump out of my skin."

"If I knew you were out there, I would have…"

"You would have left your post. That's OK. I'm glad I waited. … Are you going to put that apple down?"

Grissom kept his eyes on Sara and quickly chucked the apple behind his shoulder, startling Sara but making her smile. He moved right before her and took her hands in his. "I'm glad, too. … How are you?"

Sara took a deep breath and cherished the feeling of his hands. "I'm … I'm ready."

Grissom looked down. When he brought his head back up, a tear slowly dragged down his cheek. "I am so proud of you."

They embraced and let their love fill each other. Their kiss was one of longing and promise. As they broke apart, they stood caressing each other and neither could prevent the tears of joy. Grissom placed one arm around her waist and the other stroked her hair. "Your hair has gotten long."

"Like a rat's nest."

"You've never looked more beautiful."

Sara blushed. Her nerves calmed. After four months, after causing him sadness, she didn't know if he would want to be with her. It seemed to be the furthest from the truth, just as Jim had said.

After leaving Fortuna, Sara called Brass to find out what was going on. Knowing Grissom would be at another taping in three days, Brass called Philip Beck to see if Sara could be at the taping, and to keep it a surprise from Grissom. Beck was more than happy to help. He met Sara before the taping, got her into the audience and made sure she had the proper credentials to get backstage when the time came.

When Brass called Sara back with the details, she talked about how she was nervous about seeing Grissom again. "I've hurt him, Jim. I… I don't know what he'll say… how he'll react when he sees me."

"Cookie, how happy was I when I heard your voice?"

"You were happy."

"Why would Gil be any less happy? Sara, he's a mess. He loves you. He needs you. He just wants to be with you."

Sara took Grissom by the lapels and kissed him again, with passion. "You look pretty wonderful yourself. Where did this shirt come from?"

"Catherine. She said I looked like an axe murderer in the clothes Jim choose for me."

Sara looked at him skeptically.

"It's a long story."

"I'd love to hear it."

"I'd love to tell you. … Listen, I've come into some money recently, can I buy you dinner or a car or something?"

Sara laughed. It was comfortable again. It was unbelievable, a blessing.

Grissom couldn't believe how he ached to hear that laugh. It was a treasure, a blessing.

Before they reached the exit, walking hand and hand, Grissom asked Sara one more question: "Honey, do I wear women's glasses?"

And that's how Grissom ended up on Jeopardy! and how Sara came back home.

THE END

-------

A/N: I hoped you enjoyed this.


End file.
